I woke up this morning feeling scared. It showed up as a low rumbling. It sat in the center of my chest, but it also fluttered out into my palms and up into my clavicle and landed as an ache. I recognize it as fear and also grief. It was a heavy feeling.
It had thoughts attached to it. Thoughts like: This time of year is hard. You won’t make it to your deadline. You don’t have what it takes as a creator. You’ll run out of money. You'll run out time. You need a Plan B pronto! I was aware enough to know that I had a choice to make. I could easily go down the crapper and get cranky, judgy and sad OR I could bring my awareness to the fear and just WELCOME IT. Yoo Hoo! Hi Fear, I see you. Come closer and let's just BE TOGETHER for a moment.
This is a ninja skill because when we show up for the part of us that is afraid and then TEND TO THAT PART, the thoughts that were attached to the fear recede. This happens because your thoughts are NOT YOU. But they come from a PART OF YOU that feels fear acutely. So the question becomes: Can I meet this fear with acceptance? Can I accept that part of me that is afraid of a past hurt, disappointment or threat? Can I bring compassion to the part of me that is afraid of going in a direction where the path is unclear? It's a big risk - to step into the unknown - and so of course a part of you feels afraid. Can you bring compassion to her? Can you let her know that you are going to take a small step forward. And that it's going to be ok? The idea here is to eventually get to a place where you can be in conscious choice. Your goal is to be at a level of awarness where you become the creator of your experience, not your fear-driven thoughts. Then you can move to planning what very small steps you can take next to test the assumptions that you might still have that something is too dangerous, too big, too uncertain, bit by bit.
What I did today was just that. After I sat with my fear, I spent time with my vision and recalibrated my steps. I walked away from my work for a while. I ran an errand. And you know what? I had a lot of creative thoughts pop up when I wasn't resisting feeling my fear and attaching to the fear thoughts! Full transparency artists - I have my very own coach (yes, great coaches have great coaches!) and other supportive community to be my guides, my champions and model this work for me.
Braving creativity is hard work. It is HARD WORK PEOPLE! It takes constant resourcing, tenderness and imagination. And it also takes courage. Which you can't access if you are letting your fear thoughts run the show.
I am here to resource you through this moment so that you can see what is POSSIBLE BEYOND YOUR FEAR and be the creator of your life.
