I am feeling super anxious today! You?! Fabulous! There might be some gold in our day yet!
Anxiety doesn’t feel all that great, but today - at least for me - it’s not totally unwelcome.
In a weird way I prefer it to how I felt last week.
Let me catch you up!
After a month of major output, I woke up last week feeling directionless, doubting, and a little weepy.
The book launch ended; another anniversary of my husband's death passed. So a shift is to be expected.
It makes sense. When things end, we grieve.
I tended to my grief more than less for a week and I thought, "Oh thank god, I don't feel griefy-today!"
But then I realized I felt something else.
When something ends, the future can seem really ominous, even when it isn't.
Grief tossed me into anxious agitation and I woke up in my default mode: High Gear.
Like a race-horse sprinting out of the gate so full of herself because she beliefs without a doubt that she is going somewhere with all of that pent up energy.
NPR’s Lulu Miller talks about how to encourage "chance" encounters, insights and synchronicities to arise by relieving yourself of the effort toKnow Everything and Control the Outcome of Basically Anything.
When we are frustrated, can we accept that most answers don't come from inside our own minds?
What if we drop the insane assumption that we know all the answers and can fix anything? What if we get out of our own "stupid skull" long enough to really listen to what other people or the universe will say?
Miller suggests we re-frame our frustration as gold.
If you're pushing hard to make sense of something, figure something out, chew a large piece of stake that just won't get small enough to swallow - do yourself a favor and STOP.
STOP right there in mid-track and take those blinders off.
See that funny lady in the stands that looks like your Aunt Betty who wears saucer-sized eyeglasses that make her eyes look like ping pong balls? Doesn't that bill board over to the left remind you to call that sassy creativity coach that talks about courage all the time? :) Hey, is that guy humming the theme song from the Price is Right? .... that gives me an idea!
Like the racehorse, you aren't going anywhere but in circles in the anxious, agitated state you're in.
But if you stop and listen to yourself and really listen to others you'll find some surprising truth that is WAY SMARTER and more productive than anyplace you'll get to from inside your own (stupid) skull.
I found some little gold nuggets over the past few days that helped me remember that the future wasn't the dark storm cloud I thought it was when I woke up that morning.
I wouldn't have made those discoveries if I was still trotting in circles inside of my own (stupid) skull.